Been lost in my head lately in one of those places. I've never been too good at controlling my creativity, where it will be focused from month to month. At times I can't stand to see another one of my pictures let alone think about shoots. Sometimes I'll be terrified at the thought of opening my inbox or checking my voicemail. Times like these I usually find myself lost in some sort of mental obsession. Sometimes the obsessions happen to be work related, so I'm at least being productive in one area. At the moment I spend all of my time wrapped up in thought about the movie I am working on. It's the biggest project that I have ever taken on, and that scares the hell out of me. It always does. I have to live with the fear of falling on my face which is probably the single biggest fear holding anyone back from accomplishing what they dream of at night. Every day and every night this is all my head makes room for. Everything I see and everything I hear comes back to it. When I close my eyes at night it's all I see and all I dream of. It's in every light and every shadow and it doesn't make room for me to work on photos or to write or live my life. It's been over a decade since I was working three jobs at pizza places driving around with all of my thoughts consumed with a dream of self employment, and now I think of what it would be like to only spend my time wondering what was on TV this week and why my coworkers are so lazy... Sorry... just fantasizing of a life without obsession.

 

  Well I figured I would give you an update on where I have been mentally and creatively. You may or may not know that photography is not my passion although I can be passionate about it at times. It's more of a Love/Hate part of my life. At times I can love to shoot or edit photos, but this isn't one of those times. The good news is that I have about 300 photos that used to be on my flickr before it got shut down, and they need a new home... So I'll start putting up the old with the new. This picture above was taken a couple years back right around the time that my life's tectonic plates where shifting and causing riffs that would set things in motion for me to end up in the Ozark mountains tonight.

 

  I have also been planning on going back and revisiting my favorite stories and pictures from the Nerve.com days, since it's a shame to see them sitting in some digital graveyard.

         The night Apnea and I were watching that old Pauly Shore movie and he kept calling breasts "cones". I can't stand it. One could find a lot of faults to point out about Pauly Shore, but then you may miss a shot of him doing his dance in those stripper shorts. This picture actually has cones, and that's just unavoidable. These cones remind me of pointy shoes. I was telling a man at the store how strongly I dislike pointy shoes. The pointier the shoe, the stronger my dislike. The philosophical store owner pointed out the seemingly obvious threat that such shoes pose to my testicles. So maybe I have a fear of pointy girls. There's probably a feminist thesis waiting to be spun from all of this, and i hope that Pauly's shiny curls have a place in it.